The screaming stops and I continue to pound on the door. I hear no movement coming from inside. It’s eerily quiet. I reach down and try to turn the door handle but it’s locked.
Of course, as if the Chief of Police would leave his door unlocked.
I knock again and again until I finally hear footsteps from inside. They move across the hardwood floors and I focus on them coming closer to the door. The heaviness of them tells me that it’s Charlie, not Bella. The door swings open and I am greeted with a scowl.
“Really boy? Is all that noise necessary this early in the morning?” he scolds and I take a small step back, dropping my head in shame, and shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans.
“I’m sorry, but I heard her—” I swallow hard and squeeze my eyes closed at the memory of her terrifying scream. “Is she ok?” I lift my head slightly to look into his eyes.
He blows out a breath and shakes his head slowly. “It was just a nightmare.”
It doesn’t escape my notice that he hasn’t asked me in. “Can…can I see her? Please?”
A war of emotions plays across his face. His eyes are hard, but a flash of sorrow breeches them before the determination reappears. I stand motionless as I watch him battle the internal war with himself. A war between the man that is her father who wants to protect her, and the man that understands me. It’s abruptly brought to a halt when a sound comes from the top of the stairs.
Bella.
The moment seems to happen in almost slow motion as I glance up into the darkness and her eyes lock with mine. She stands hidden in the shadows of the house; only her face can be seen. She slowly descends a few steps and stops. A fissure slices its way through my chest at the sight of her. Dark circles have appeared under her eyes, which are swollen and blood shot. She’s paler than just a few days ago, her hair twisted up in a mess that’s secured atop her head. Her navy blue flannel pajama pants hang loose on her hips paired with a white lace-trimmed tank top. While nothing about how she looks in this moment should make me think so, I can’t help but drink in her beauty.
Her chocolate eyes offer a hint of sadness and love, before a mask clouds it all and her face becomes void of any emotion what so ever. Her arms hang to her sides as she clenches and unclenches her fists.
“Dad,” she says softly, not breaking the hold of our eyes. Her voice is so broken that it makes my heart clench.
He slowly turns his head and only then do her eyes leave mine. I watch as they come to a silent understanding, and he steps aside gesturing me in. I force my legs to move as I step inside away from the door, my eyes still locked on her.
“I’ll just, uh…leave you two alone,” Charlie states solemnly before closing the door and walking towards her on the stairs. As he moves to pass her, he lightly grazes his knuckles down the side of her arm and they both nod at each other. He turns and nods back at me, then trudges lightly the rest of the way up the stairs and out of sight.
Both of us are rooted where we stand and I begin to question my decision on coming here. However, seeing her in the flesh fills my soul with an unimaginable longing. Using every amount of restraint I can muster, I force myself not to rush to her side and gather her delicate body into my embrace. She takes a deep breath, and wraps her arms around herself before moving down the stairs closer to me.
As her bare feet reach the last step we are at eye level with each other. Like a magnet, I cannot fight the pull she has on me and I tentatively step closer to her, only leaving mere inches between our bodies. Our eyes dance back and forth with each other’s. She reaches one hand up and lazily drags the backs of her knuckles across the thick stubble on my jaw. I close my eyes and breathe deeply through my nose, relishing in the sensation of her touch and the power of her scent.
I love you so much.
All too soon, she removes her hand and I snap my eyes open to meet hers once again. I catch the brief shadow of pain etched in her face and swimming in her eyes. Seeing just that glimpse causes tears to sting in mine. As they roll down my cheeks, I watch helplessly as she puts the mask back in place, wraps her arms around herself again, and shuts me out.
I exhale heavily. “Bella,” I begin, but she shakes her head, forcing me to stop. She moves delicately to my side, off the last step and towards the living room. I take it as a silent invitation and follow behind her. Slowly, she rests down on the couch pulling her knees up to her chest, and wraps her arms around them. She lays her cheek on her knees and closes her eyes. I stand motionless at the end, my hands are itching to hold her.
The tension in the air begins to choke me, and I don’t know whether to let her speak first, or if I should fall on my knees where I stand and begin begging. Thoughts of the last few days plague my mind, and it leaves me feeling more than unsettled.
“Why are you here?” She asks. Her voice is melancholy, gripping my heart tighter.
“I had to find you,” I say softly back, silently willing her to open her eyes and look at me.
An exaggerated sigh leaves her chest. “I told you not to follow me.” She lifts her head and lays her forehead against her knees, effectively stealing the view of her face away from me.
“I know you did, but…I’m stubborn. I have to fix this,” I mumble.
Silence encompasses us as I focus on the idle rise and fall of her shoulders as she breathes. She turns her head to face me, opening her eyes. We study each other momentarily and it feels like she’s searching my soul. She closes her eyes, lets out a deep breath and then opens them again before she speaks. “How can you be so sure that there is anything left to fix?”
Her words paralyze me for a split second before I rush to her. I drop to my knees in front of her, forcing her legs down and apart as I rest between them. I grab her hands in mine as I feel tears begin to drip off my chin. She looks down at my bandaged hand in confusion, before looking back into my eyes.
“Baby please, you can’t possibly mean that,” I beg, searching her eyes. She falls back against the couch while our eyes remain transfixed. “I love you, and I have to believe that you still love me enough to let me try.”
Her brow furrows slightly, “Try what Edward? Because God only knows how many times I have tried.” Her tone is icy, yet full of pain and sorrow.
Fuck. I did this to her.
I drop my chin to my chest while I squeeze her hands in mine. My heart is slamming against my ribcage.
“I do. God help me, I do love you,” she chokes. “That’s what makes everything so much harder.”
I snap my head up in time to see streaks of wetness on her cheeks. I reluctantly release a hand, moving it to cup her face and swipe away the wetness with my thumb.
“Please. Please, Bella…I can’t lose you.” My voice is strangled as I fight the heartbreak that’s choking me.
“What makes this time any different? Is it because I left? Your perfect little world isn’t so perfect anymore? Your image is now tainted, so you rushed here to fix it?” she hisses, angrily wiping the tears from her face.
Whoa! What the fuck?
My mouth falls open and my eyes narrow as her words sink in. I fall back on my heels, releasing our hands as the shock registers through me.
I can’t fight the anger as it bubbles to the surface. “Is that what you think? Fuck! Are you kidding me right now?”
I hastily move to my feet and take a step back from her; my hands find purchase in my hair as I tug at the roots. Her eyes widen slightly at my sudden movement, before she crosses her arms defensively over her chest and looks away. I feel my body start to tremble.
How could she possibly think that’s why I’m here?
She huffs. “Edward, you’ve proven time and again how important your job is, how could I not think that?”
“Fuck, Bella! Yeah, my job is important to me! Yeah, I give a shit about my image, as a lawyer! But none of that means a fucking thing to me without you!” I turn away from her and stalk to the mantle, resting my palms against it and dropping my head.
I need to calm the fuck down. Getting angry is not going to help any of this.
“Yeah, well, you’ve done a superb job at proving that haven’t you? How exactly do you expect me to act right now? You fucking waltz in here, professing you’re love for me only after I have left? Really? I tried–God, I tried so many times to get you to listen to me, but all I got in return was empty promises.” I turn slowly to face her, catching her staring at me, but she looks away again. “So, forgive me for not instantly falling into your arms and overlooking it all.”
I make a concerted effort to steady myself with a few deep breaths. I focus on trying to keep my voice calm. “Bella, you’re everything to me. Everything. I know I’ve failed at showing you that recently, and for that I’m sorry. I know that I have a lot to make up for, which is why when I found out you were here, I got on the first Goddamn flight.”
I take hesitant steps toward her, watching tear after tear roll down her face. She has yet to look back at me. “I can only hope it makes you understand how much I love you. You own my heart, Bella, and as much as I wish I could, I can’t make you forgive me.” My voice is surprisingly steady as I swallow hard at the brief thought that she won’t. “I can only try with all that I am, to prove it to you.”
I’m standing over her now, as she closes her eyes and lets out a breath through her nose. When she finally looks up at me, the mask she was hiding behind is gone, and all her pain is evident. Any anger I am feeling completely evaporates and I am once again overcome with heartache.
“The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you,” I whisper, as I drop back to my knees in front of her. Her brow furrows again as she reaches her hand out and cups my jaw, her thumb strokes my cheek.
“Can you forgive me? I hope you can, because, I honestly don’t know how to live without you.”
She drops her hand to her lap. “I wish it was only that easy.”
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
I let my head fall to her lap feeling utterly fucking defeated. I feel her fingers gingerly run through my hair. “I’m sorry, Bella. I’m so, so sorry.” There’s no fighting the tidal wave of tears and my shoulders shake as I sob against her. I wrap my arms behind her hips and clutch her with desperation. I’ve never felt more shattered than I do in this very moment.
This is it. She’s done.
With every stroke of her hand, I feel the despair seep in further. “Tell me what to do, please. I’ll do anything,” I beg, muffled against her legs. “Please.”
God, please! I want to fix this so bad. I want to do right by her.
I can feel her body trembling, yet I can’t find the strength to raise my head or release my grasp. I internally berate myself for allowing my emotions to take this much control over me. Seconds, hours, hell days could be passing by, as I struggle to rein them in, all the while her fingers carry on their dance against my scalp.
As I begin to feel some sense of control I lift my head and meet her eyes. She too, has been crying again and I hate myself a little more for it.
Time to grovel Cullen. She needs to understand the lengths you will go to, to do right by her.
“My priorities have been fucked,” I say with a weak and scratchy voice. I sniffle, feeling pathetic as I do it. “I understand that now. I wish I could go back to all of those times when you tried to tell me. I really do, but I can’t, and I am so sorry for not listening.”
“I know it’s never gotten this out of hand before, but I just feel like–like it’s only a more desperate song and dance.” She takes in and blows out a deep breath. “How do I know that you’ll hold true to your words this time? I just don’t have the strength to keep going on like this anymore.”
I whimper slightly, narrowing my eyes at her. “I never, ever meant to make you feel this way. I should have shown you all along the depth of my love, instead of giving you reasons to doubt it.”
I pull my hands from her hips, and take hold of hers once again. “If I have to spend the rest of my life making this up to you, I promise you, I will, Bella. My life holds no meaning without you in it.” I bring our clasped hands to my lips, pressing tightly to them. “I want to spend forever with you. You’re it for me. You.”
Her eyes lock with mine while her breathing escalates minutely. It feels like an eternity passes as I watch the waves of emotions roll through them.
“Please, tell me how to fix this. How can I prove it to you?”
“I don’t know, Edward,” she sobs. Her eyes close, forcing more tears over the brim. I grip her hands as if my life depends on it.
It essentially does. Letting go just isn’t a fucking option. A sudden thought ricochets through my mind.
“I gave Mike the Hunter case,” I blurt out in a rush.
Her eyes snap to mine; her brow furrows again as she’s seemingly searching for the truth in my words.
“What?” Her face is full of confusion and…wonder? “You—what? Why?”
“Aren’t you listening to me? I didn’t even think twice about it.” I internally fist pump, realizing that’s what she needed to hear. Duh.
“I did it for you, Bella. For us.” I kiss our joined hands firmly.
“But, Edw–“ she starts, but I interrupt her.
“Nothing, Bella. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I promise you, with every fiber of my being, I will spend forever proving that to you if I have to. I love you.” I rise up on my knees bringing our faces closer. I want so badly to kiss her, to seal the promise, but I hesitate. Her dismal brown eyes draw me in, and I want so badly to refill them with love.
“There’s more. There’s so much more that I need to tell you, Edward. I don’t know if you’ll even want to keep that promise when I do,” she whispers as she drops her gaze to our hands.
Tears begin to fall from her eyes again, and I stretch forward to catch them with my lips. The sweetness of her skin combines with their saltines and we collectively sigh. I pull her hands up to my neck and release my grasp, slowly skimming my fingertips up her arms. Her skin prickles and I softly smile against her cheek as my tears mix with hers. I wrap my arms behind her shoulders, pulling her tightly against me.
Forgive me, Bella. Please, say you forgive me.
I begin to trail feather-light kisses along the bottom of her jaw and across her chin to the other side of her face. I work my way up to her temple, laying my lips first on one eye and then across to the other, before skimming my nose down the side of hers. My lips feather against hers as light as a whisper while I circle the tips of our noses together.
Please, forgive me. I love you so much.
“Edward,” she breathes out, as her fingers weave their way into my hair.
I press my lips softly to the corner of her mouth, our tears combining once more. Her hands run from my neck down to my chest and then back up again, as I ghost my lips across hers, kissing the opposite corner of her mouth.
Say it. Say you forgive me.
“Edward,” she says, still breathless.
My hands roam down her back and I slide them up under her shirt. The feel of her skin against my fingertips causes me to choke back a sob, her head falls back against the couch and I slide my lips under her jaw. Another thought crosses my mind and leaves my lips without hesitation.
“Marry me, Bella,” I whisper against her neck.
Please.
Her body goes rigid and she pushes firmly on my chest. I move back to within inches of her face, and stare deeply into her chocolate orbs.
“Wha–?”
“Marry me,” I say again a little louder and with more determination. I’m praying she can hear the sincerity of my words as I offer her a small, crooked grin.
“Edward,” she pauses, a look of panic flashes across her features.
“I’m pregnant.”
