As my consciousness grasps hold of me–much too early for a Saturday morning I might add–I glance out the window to see the misty grey sky just barely beginning to brighten with the start of the day. I huff and pull the covers up over my head, praying for sleep to reclaim me. Last night, Edward joined Charlie and me for dinner at the diner. It turned out to be a very enjoyable evening with my two favorite men.
Surprisingly, Charlie was very welcoming to Edward, and I could sense his hope that we will work things out. It almost feels like they have a newfound comradery too; it’s both heartwarming and strange. Not to say that Charlie has ever hated him, but honestly, he wasn’t very pleased when I broke up with Jake, so I believe the “antisocial” attitude he used to have towards Edward stems from that. Last night was…well…different. I just can’t put my finger on what changed.
Tonight, we have a date. Edward informed me before he left last night to be ready by three. Then, of course, he also mentioned that Alice would be by prior to him. Which could only mean…”an Alice make-over party”.
Yee-freakin’-haw.
I startle at the sound of a soft tapping on my bedroom door. “Not now, dad, it’s too early,” I mumble from my spot still under the covers.
There’s no response, only the soft tapping again. Dammit. I huff, throw the covers off, and overdramatically stomp to the door. I swing it open, fully prepared to tongue-lash my father…there’s no one there.
Huh?
A sudden, child-like giggle echoes from the hallway towards the stairs. With my brow furrowed in confusion, I slowly step out of my room and walk towards the landing. “Dad?” I call out as I lean over the rail and stretch to look downstairs. There’s no answer, just the sound of pattering feet across the wooden floors, and the giggle comes again.
The hell?
“Hello?” I call out as I feel my panic begin to rise. Who the hell is in my house?
I take one step down and firmly press my back against the wall. My hands begin to shake as I brace them along the wall, and sweat breaks out across my forehead. The house is silent again, save for the sound of my heart pounding in my ears. Another step down and the wood creaks under my weight. The giggle echoes, followed by the pattering again.
Shit. What the fuck is going on?
Another step down, then another, and I can see out the window beside the front door. The sky is brightening more with the dawn of the day.
“Dad? Is that you?”
The sound of the back door slamming closed reverberates through the house, causing me to jump out of my skin, and I lose my balance. Suddenly, I’m falling. I desperately reach out for the banister as my feet fly out from under me. I land hard on my right hip, and scream out at the pain. I feel the hot tears roll down my cheeks as I pinch my eyes closed and curl to my side.
Fuck! Shit! Fuck!
The sound of swiftly moving, heavy footsteps comes from the back of the house. I hold my breath to quiet my sobs and listen as they come closer.
“Bella?” The velvet voice calls to me in a whisper. My eyes fly open, only to be met by a terrifying sight. It’s Edward, yes, but it’s his eyes. Those eyes.
No, no, no! God, no!
His golden eyes flash with worry, which quickly turns to anger, as he takes a slow menacing step towards me.
“Edward,” I choke out as I try to scramble backwards up the stairs.
“You did it again, Bella,” he snarls, still moving closer.
“No, Edward. I–”
“Why, Bella? WHY?” he shouts, and I cower at the volume. My eyes widen, and I am frozen in fear.
“Look! Just look at what you’ve done!” he screams again, pointing at the stairs below me.
Blood. So. Much. Blood. I’m sitting in it. It’s running down the steps like a waterfall. It’s washing over his feet, and pooling on the landing.
Oh my God.
Wake up, wake up, wake up. This has to be a dream. Wake. Up!
A high-pitched, blood-curdling scream fills the air, but it’s not mine and it’s not his. Both of our heads turn in the direction of the sound, before he looks back at me. His eyes are filled with hate and loathing; I can’t breathe from the pain that look causes me.
The screaming stops and he leans in close. His nose almost touching mine, his breath hot and chilling across my skin, his lips curled into a snarl.
“You make me fucking SICK!” he spats, then turns and storms out the front door. The sound of it slamming closed in his wake causes me to jump.
I jerk upright in my bed.
Thank fucking God! What is it with that damn dream!?
My breath is coming in quick and shallow pants, while my heart is racing. The clock beside my bed reads just after five AM.
That’s the same time as the last dream. What the hell?
I scramble out of bed and unplug my cell phone from its charger, then slide myself back under the covers. I just need to hear his voice.
“Bella? Is everything all right? It’s early, sweetheart,” he answers, his voice thick with sleep.
“I’m sorry, Edward. I just…I needed to hear your voice.” My own is shaky and weak.
“I’m here, baby. What happened?”
I sigh. His voice is already working its magic of calming me. “It was just a stupid nightmare.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“NO! I’m sorry. No, I don’t. It just really freaked me out.” In fact, I am still shaking.
“Baby, are you having nightmares a lot? I seem to remember you having one the night I got here, too. Maybe we should talk to the doctor about them?”
I pull my comforter closer under my chin. “Can you just come over? I just need you to hold me. Please?”
I hear the rustling of his sheets through the phone as he moves around. “I’ll be there in ten minutes. I love you.”
xxx
The next time I wake up, I’m safely wrapped in Edward’s strong arms. Our bodies are aligned chest to chest. He has me tightly in is embrace, his chin resting on top of my head, while I am curled into the crook of his neck. His scent surrounds me, and I take a deep breath letting it flow over and soothe me.
“Did you just sniff me?” he asks with a sleepy chuckle.
I nod unashamed with a smile and bury my head further into his neck. “Thank you.”
“For what?” he asks, pulling me impossibly tighter to him.
“For coming over and making me feel safe again,” I respond, pressing my lips to his pulse point.
“I’ll do anything to make you feel safe, baby. I hope you know that.”
I nod again and tuck my fists under my chin. “I love you, Edward.”
“I love you, my Bella. Sleep.”
xxx
“Bella, hold still or I am going to burn you!” Alice reprimands me.
I groan, as she twirls another lock of my hair around her gigantic curling iron. “My ass is asleep, Alice. How much longer do I have to sit here?”
“Perfection takes time, so just hush up.”
Edward left at eleven to go back to his parents’ home and get ready. Less than thirty minutes later, “Alice the tornado” arrived. I showered, as instructed. Shaved, as instructed. Then moisturized…as instructed.
Damn bossy-ass pixie.
So, now I have officially been sitting in this chair while she primes and primps me, for close to two hours.
Fuck. My. Life.
I close my eyes and go to my happy place–which is in Edward’s arms. Yes, that does it. I feel myself begin to relax again while Alice flitters about “perfecting” me.
I am finally given permission to rise from the chair, but apparently, I cannot be trusted to dress myself properly either. Alice pulls out the Gucci dress–still in its garment bag–from the closet and hangs it on the back of my bedroom door. I rub my sore ass, while I watch her dance around the room, and try not to scowl at her.
If I had a way to bottle some of that energy…I’d be a damn millionaire.
“Okay, Edward will be here to pick you up in twenty minutes. Do you need my help getting dressed? If not, I’m just going to head downstairs and speak with Charlie.”
“I’ll be fine, Alice. Believe it or not, I have managed to dress myself on more than one occasion.” A smirk plays on my lips.
She nods before exiting the room. I slip out of my bathrobe and lay it across my bed. Alice has laid out a navy blue lace thong and matching invisible bra that I hesitantly put on. Something about being pregnant and wearing lingerie just doesn’t mesh well for me. Add to that, this “stick-on” bra thingamajig…and yeah.
After spending about fifteen minutes, just trying to make sure this bra is even going to stay in place, I am finally ready to put on my dress. It’s tight fitting with ruching on the side, but stretchy, so there is no zipper. I slip into it and turn to face the mirror. It really does look good, and I can only imagine Edward’s reaction. It’s one shouldered, with a leather strap across my bare one.
The heels…Lord have mercy; I am surely going to kill myself in them tonight. I really hope he doesn’t have too much walking planned. I rest at the edge of my bed, and slip them on, zipping them up on the inside. Once more, I spin in front of the mirror. Alice curled my hair in heavy waves, then pulled and pinned it to the right side, letting it fall forward over my shoulder.
I grab the handbag, toss in my keys, wallet, and lip-gloss. A final look in the mirror, and I suppose this is it. I suddenly feel nervous, even though I do look damn good.
When I open my bedroom door, I can hear muffled voices coming from below. With a deep breath, I take the first step down.
Dear, God. Please don’t let me fall down the stairs in these shoes.
The voices cease as I make my way slowly down, keeping my eyes firmly trained on my feet. I hear a quiet gasp from Alice and look up. Three sets of eyes are zoned in on me, but I only lock onto one pair. All the air in my lungs whooshes out at the sight of him.
Oh my…GOD!
He’s in a tux?! It’s a solid black, one-button tux with no tie. Holy shit…I should resign myself to the fact that these panties are officially ruined.
This man is mine? Not possible! Hot damn!
Apparently, everyone has caught on to my not-too-subtle drool involved gawking, because Charlie and Alice both clear their throats at the same time. Edward’s lips twitch into a smirk, before he takes the stairs two at a time and stops in front of me. He places his finger under my chin, and pushes it up, effectively closing my mouth and causing my face to heat up.
“Alice picked out the dress,” I mumble self-consciously, running my free hand down the front of it.
“You’re perfect.” He smiles before placing a gentle kiss on my cheek.
He turns to the side and offers me his arm. I smile shyly at him, before slipping my hand into the crook of his elbow. Edward gently leads us to the bottom of the steps and out the front door. Again, I lose the ability to breathe. Parked along the curb, is a sleek black Chrysler 300, complete with…
“A driver? Edward? What? How?”
I turn to him in confusion. He shrugs and smiles nervously. “I know a guy.”
I feel like I am literally in the middle of a fairytale. We walk forward after saying our goodbyes to Charlie and Alice. The driver, who introduces himself to me as Sam, opens the door before he offers me a hand to step in.
Is this for real?
Edward slides in beside me, and we’re off to Seattle. I must admit, not having to drive ourselves…awesome.
xxx
It’s almost six-thirty when we arrive in Seattle. As Sam maneuvers the car through the busy downtown streets, Edward pulls a blindfold from the inside breast pocket of his coat. I shoot him a confused look when he holds it up, a playful smile etched on his face.
“Indulge me, Bella?”
I hesitantly nod. He leans in close, gently rubbing his nose alongside mine before placing a gentle kiss on my lips. Before I register the warmth spreading through my body from his lips on mine, he slides the blindfold over my eyes, tying it gently at the back of my head.
I feel his breath on my neck, just below my ear. “Thank you for trusting me,” he softly whispers against my skin.
I feel my breath hitch at his words. Having my sight taken from me immediately heightens all my other senses. My sense of smell is on overdrive, as I am completely consumed by the scent of Edward. He’s simply mouth-watering.
The car comes to a slow stop and Edward grasps my hand firmly in his. I hear the car door open, he releases my hand, and leaves the confines of the car. Suddenly, my door opens, and I feel Edward grasp my hand and arm at once.
“We’re here, Bella,” he says sweetly with a hint of excitement as he helps me exit. I can hear the sounds of the city, but it’s impossible to ascertain where “here” is.
“God, please don’t let me fall, Edward.”
He chuckles softly beside me. “Never, sweetheart.”
The car door closes behind me and I feel Edward’s hand slide across the small of my back and gently ease me forward. I have a death-grip on his hand as we move. We stop and I am aware of him opening a door; again guiding me forward. The space becomes somewhat quieter; although it is obvious, there are people around. The sound of my heels clicking across the floor echoes in the space around us as we continue to move. Edward stops me briefly before I am suddenly aware that we are moving up.
“I feel ridiculous,” I whisper in his direction.
Again, he chuckles. “There’s no one else on the elevator, love.”
“Hmm, an elevator. So, are you saying I got all dolled up for a hotel room?” I tease.
“Just wait and see,” he says seductively as he presses his nose against my temple.
I stand patiently in his embrace, my back pressed against his chest, his arms wrapped around my waist, while we ride up, up, and up some more. Seriously, how much further up can we possibly go? I can feel Edward’s heart pounding rapidly against my back. That fact alerts me to his nervousness, and it only triggers mine.
“Baby, are you okay?” I ask softly, rubbing my hands tenderly back and forth across his arms.
“I’m fine, love, just excited.”
Hmm. Not buying that by the tone of his voice, but I’ll let it go for now.
Finally, the elevator stops and Edward slowly shuffles me forward. He comes to my side once again and grabs my hand only moving us a few steps before stopping me again. There is a soft music playing, a low hum of conversations flowing around, and light tinkling of what sounds like silverware.
I feel him move to stand in front of me and place his hands on my hips. “Bella, are you ready?”
“Yes?” I think?
His hands move to the back of my head and he unties the knot holding the blindfold in place. I blink rapidly at the sudden onslaught of light, trying furiously to first focus on just his face. A beautiful and shy smile graces it as he looks down at me. When my vision finally clears, I take a moment to understand our surrounding. When it registers, I gasp.
“Sky City?” I ask with my voice full of quiet excitement.
The smile on my face is surely a mile wide as he moves to my side and I focus on the view just past him. Sky City is a restaurant that sits atop the Seattle Space Needle. When you’re seated, the restaurant rotates, and you eventually have a three-sixty view of the city. Their food…yum…fresh seafood that’s to die for. We haven’t been here in years–not since the first year we were dating.
Edward’s smile undoubtedly matches my own as he turns from me to address the hostess. She leads us to our table, and instead of sitting across from me, Edward sits beside me. Our view starts with us facing south and with today being almost crystal clear, Mount Rainer rises over the horizon majestically. It’s a breathtaking sight.
Edward slides his arm along the back of my chair and leans in close to me as we watch the view slowly pass. When our waiter arrives, he orders us the crab with artichoke dip. Our conversation is light and easy as we just enjoy the time together. For dinner, I choose the Seafood Fettucine Carbonara and Edward has the Grilled Wild King Salmon. At this point, he moves to sit across from me.
Unfortunately, smack in the middle of dinner is when our conversation takes a turn for the worst. He just told me that he needs to return to Wilmington soon to finish working on the Carson case, but I suddenly realize that he’s just asked me a question that I really don’t want to answer.
Will I be coming with him?
I pause for a moment, wipe my mouth with my napkin, and look up at him. “I need you to understand, Edward. I love you. With all that I am, I love you. That’s not the issue.”
“Then what is it, Bella? If we don’t talk about this, then we can’t work thought it either.”
I sigh and take a sip of my water. “My issue is trusting you. But that’s not anything you don’t already know. I’ve told you before…I’m scared.”
He nods, holding my gaze momentarily but doesn’t respond. He takes another bite of his meal and turns to look out the window as he chews. I watch him, suddenly having no appetite. I don’t want to hurt him, and I can see the pain in his eyes. We’ve both hurt each other and it’s time to either move past it, or move on.
“I don’t know how else to do it, and I don’t know if it’s going to be enough. But one day, I will be able to look at you and say that I tried everything I could to make this right.”
I feel almost burned by the intensity of his words. I can’t speak. I just nod, my eyes wide and my mind more confused than ever.
Does that mean he’s giving up?
We finish our meal in contemplative silence. There are a few times when I sense that he wants to say something more, but he never does. After the waiter clears away our empty plates, Edward moves back over to sit beside me. He pulls me against him, pressing his lips into my hair as we watch the view again. I thread our fingers together when he wraps his arms around me, and try to contain the overwhelming flow of emotions bubbling up to the surface.
“I love you, Edward. I’m so in love with you.” I whisper softly as a tear makes a trail down my cheek.
He places another kiss to the top of my head. “Come on. There’s still something else I have planned for tonight, and I want to get down there before the sun sets.”
xxx
Back on the ground, we exit the Space Needle and begin walking towards the harbor. From our location, it’s only about a ten-minute walk to Olympic Sculpture Park, which is where Edward has told me we’re headed. With one hand threaded through his, I lean my head on his bicep and wrap my other hand around it as well. As we pause for a crosswalk, he pulls my chin up with his free hand and presses his lips delicately to mine, then to my cheek, and finally my forehead.
The park isn’t overly busy, but there are plenty of people mulling about as we casually stroll through the gardens, past the large metal structures, and across the gravel walkways.
As the sun begins to sink deeper in the sky, I am reminded of the similarities this evening has to the one we spent in Port Angeles. We casually walk down the V-shaped lawn that crosses over Elliot Avenue and turn towards the glass bridge. From this vantage point, we can see the water of Puget Sound, and far off in the distance to either side, the mountains. I have a sudden need to break the silence.
“Edward?”
“Hmm?”
“Can we talk about the whole trust thing?”
There are red metal chairs lining the pathway and he leads us over to sit in them. Never releasing my hand, he turns to face me, seemingly waiting for me to continue. An unexpected wave of nerves rush over me, and I take a few calming breaths while gazing out at the water. The sun is inching its way further towards the horizon, casting a warm glow across the sky, and I focus on the serenity of the scene.
“I’m trying so hard to get past all of this. I promise you that. But, I need your help.”
I turn my head to look at him. His brow furrows as he stares at our locked hands, running his thumb over my knuckles.
“Anything, Bella,” he says softly while meeting my gaze.
My voice is soft but steady. “All of this happened because…well, because you had issues with balancing out our life with your work.” I take and release a deep breath. “We’re having a baby, Edward.” His grip on my hand tightens. “I need to be able to trust in your ability to balance out your priorities.”
He nods wordlessly, his eyes dancing back and forth between mine.
“If I go back to Wilmington with you…do you know how you’re going to do that? Can you assure me that this same thing won’t happen all over again? Because I will tell you right now…if it doesn’t change, and the baby is here…it will…I’ll never be able to forgive you again, Edward. I just won’t.”
Unable to stop them, my tears fall swiftly down my cheeks. He slowly brings a hand to my face and tenderly wipes them away. His face holds a look of deep concentration, but his eyes are flooded with guilt.
“Baby, I have learned a severe lesson from the mistakes that I made. I desperately need for you to understand that I will never be that man again. I will never make the mistake of putting anything ahead of you; of our life.” He sighs before continuing. “The only reassurance that I can give you, is what I have already told you I’ve done. There are plans in place to hire more help. Mike and I have discussed, in great depth, how we plan to lessen my workload and split incoming cases more diligently.” He reaches out to hold both of my hands in his, staring deep into my eyes, he says, “With everything that I am, I promise you, you can trust me. You, our life, our baby…nothing else matters to me. You’re my reason for everything.”
I stay silent as I let his words and promises swirl through my mind and begin to take root. He pulls us both up to stand again, and presses my head to his chest. I turn my head to rest my cheek against him, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist, and can hear his heart pounding rapidly. We stand together wordlessly, letting the depth of the moment penetrate us.
It only takes a short time for my brain and my heart to process and rectify his words. If I want to have a future with him, then I have to be willing to afford him the chance he so obviously and desperately needs. I pull back slightly, turning my head to rest my chin on his chest, and look up at him.
I need to do this for us. It’s my turn to show him that he can trust me, too.
I take a deep breath, causing him to look down into my eyes. “Okay,” I half whisper.
He takes a full step back, releasing me but gripping my hands in his. “Okay, what?”
I faintly dip my head. “I’ll go home with you.”
A stream of emotions shimmers quickly through his eyes. Guilt, doubt, fear, and then finally, understanding and hope. The look of hope intensifies, and it’s now the intensity of his gaze that sets me on fire, before he speaks again.
“Bella, before you, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars–points of light and reason–then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly, everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but the light had blinded my eyes. I couldn’t see the stars anymore, and there was no more reason for anything.
“I have faults. I made many mistakes, and I will likely make plenty more, but you give me reason to want to be a better man. Nothing in my life makes sense without you. I know I didn’t do this right the first time, and you have every reason to say no, but I hope that you’ll understand that there is nothing I want more than to spend forever with you. A life without you is not a life worth living. When I make mistakes, I want you to be the one that teaches me how to fix them. I want to share the good and the bad, the happy and the sad…all of it…with you and only you.”
Suddenly, he releases me, and drops to one knee. I suck in a shaky breath as he pulls my left hand between both of his.
Oh, holy shit!
“I love you so much; sometimes it feels like my heart might explode. Will you make me the happiest man alive? Will you marry me, Bella?”
Oh, dear God. That was just…wow.
My heart takes off like a hummingbird, and I am certain that he can hear it. Shit, I’m positive all of Seattle can hear it. Tears are streaming down both of our faces, and his eyes now hold so much love it takes my breath away.
“Are you sure? I mean, you’re absolutely certain?” I whisper. “It’s not just because…we’re having a baby?”
He smiles crookedly while squeezing my hand. “I’ve never been more certain about anything else in my entire life…especially you having my baby. Marry me.”
“Edward, I–I...I’m…” I can’t speak past the twinge of fear that’s still bouncing around in my subconscious.
Shit.
“Baby, I’m tired of being afraid. All right?” His voice rises anxiously. “You and me…we make sense. You give my life reason…meaning…purpose. You’re everything I’ve always wanted. Ever. I want to be–”
I fall to my knees in front of him, my lips effectively silencing him. I grip his face in my hands, and lose myself in the velvety texture of his.
“Yes,” I whisper against his lips.
He pulls back hard and searches my eyes. “Bella?”
I bite my lip and nod my head. He sighs as a sparkle of excitement bursts in his eyes, exciting me as well, before he leaps up, pulling me with him. He wraps me in a bone-crushing hug and spins us around. I can’t help the giggle that escapes me at his enthusiasm.
“She said yes!” he screams over and over.
God, I love this man.
He sets me down and my body is pressed against him as we both cling to each other. I can hear his haggard breaths and his heart beating wildly. He pulls my left hand around in front of him, reaches into his breast pocket, and pulls out the ring. Before he slides it on my finger, he flips it around and motions for me to read the inscription on the inside of the band. “Forever”
He raises my hand, kisses my finger, and then slides the ring into place.
Oh, wow.
It’s incredible. A single heart-shaped stone, rimmed in platinum and set atop a delicate band. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before. Ever.
“Bella,” he pauses and swallows audibly. “Let this ring always serve as a reminder that you carry my heart with you. It belongs to you. Please look after it,” he whispers tenderly, and then places a delicate kiss over top the ring.
I do my best not to swoon over those words, but I can’t stop myself from throwing my arms around his shoulders and kissing the hell out of him. When the necessity for air finally breaks us apart, he holds me to him with his hands linked behind my back. The happiness and adoration on his face makes him seem almost child-like.
“Let’s go home, Bella,” he says with a look of pure joy.
With my arms still tightly bound around his neck, I smile in return.
“Yeah, let’s go home.”
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