Chapter 16 : Deep Trouble

EPOV

“Wake up, beautiful,” I whisper softly against her neck. Bella stirs and hides her head under her pillow away from the waking world.

So damn cute.

“Come on, baby. We have to get up. You’re appointment is today.” She hums reluctantly in acknowledgement.

After a few moments, she grumbles and then tries, but fails, to roll from her side to her stomach. Her now slightly protruding belly stands in her way. I pepper light kisses along the top of her shoulder and run my hand down her side, stopping at her waist, before sliding it along her swollen abdomen. I marvel at the feel as usual, knowing that she carries a piece of both of us, safe and warm, just beneath the surface of her skin. Our baby.

She throws the pillow off her head and huffs. “Fine. But let me remind you, I am not thrilled about the fact that this appointment is so early in the damn morning.” Her voice is thick with sleep.

I suppress a laugh. “Bella, if I remember correctly, this was your idea. Right? You didn’t want to worry all day about having a full bladder.”

“Right, and what brilliant-ass doctor came up with that idea anyway? Seriously? Let’s torture the pregnant woman, who already has to piss fifteen times an hour, by making her hold it. It had to be a man; it just had to be. There’s no way a woman would come up with that.”

“Aww, you know I’d do this for you if I could,” I soothe, placing more kisses along her neck and shoulder.

“Ohhh, please! If men had to carry babies and give birth, the human race would cease to exist.”

Ooookaaaay, so I probably should’ve let her sleep just a little longer. My little firecracker.

At this point, I realize that it’s wise not to speak. Yeah, I’ve quickly learned when to keep my mouth shut. And first thing in the morning…it’s not a good idea to test her limits. It’s not her fault completely; she’s pregnant, so I try not to let little things get to me. Her emotions are so hot and cold, and I can’t fault her for her over reactive hormones. I know she never means to snap at me, and she reminds me of that frequently. I gently tap her hip, lay one final kiss beneath her ear, and slide out of bed.

“How about I fix you some breakfast while you shower?” I ask.

Three…two…one…cue the tears.

“Edward,” she sobs. “I’m sorry.”

Just like clockwork. How many more weeks are left of this crazy woman who’s taken over my woman’s body?

I kneel on the floor beside the bed and comb my fingers through her hair. “Nothing to be sorry for, love. Go get ready, and I’ll have breakfast for you when you’re done. Okay?”

She nods and then leans up, pressing her lips to mine. “I love you,” she says against them.

“So much,” I respond with a wink.

xxx

The past three months have been an interesting learning process for both of us. The night I asked Bella to marry me was nothing short of amazing. Well, of course it was, she said yes. I had also booked us a room at an upscale hotel in Seattle, and we spent much of that night and next morning, relishing in the moment and reconnecting on a deeper level.

We said goodbye to our families over the remainder of the weekend and began our drive back across the country that Monday. Alice and Jasper were definitely the hardest to leave, with not knowing when they would return to Paris, or even back to the states. They promised a trip after the baby comes, but it didn’t make leaving them any easier.

We took our time on the drive by stopping every eight hours for the night, and ended up making it back home by Friday afternoon. I didn’t want Bella to spend too much time sitting in the car, and there wasn’t really a huge rush, so we made the most of it; much like the first time we made that trip.

That next week, I reluctantly went back to work. The moment I set foot through the door, I felt like I walked straight into WWIII. Total. Fucking. Chaos. Mike was sitting behind his desk, papers scattered and piled on every flat surface, and his hands shoved deep into the hair on his head. Long story short, James Hunter had somehow managed to escape from custody during his transfer from county lock-up to the state pen in Raleigh.

During the drive, the bus that was loaded with prisoners was run off the road. We’re talking flipped over, rolled down an embankment, and almost caught fire. Five prisoners, the driver, and one guard were killed in the “accident”. It was obvious he had some kind of help busting out, as he was the only prisoner that escaped–or was taken. So now, three months later, he is still on the run.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

He’s listed on the FBI’s top ten Most Wanted list, and at the moment, they believe he has fled the country. The last we heard, they were tracking him somewhere in Brazil, but his trail has since run cold.

The Carter case went exceptionally well as I was able to get him sentenced for twenty-five to life without parole. I took on a few other cases over the months, but made sure my workload stayed light. I’ll admit, it was an adjustment at first, but I made a promise to Bella, and I have every intention of keeping it. I won’t screw us up again.

We hired two clerks and a paralegal, and the help has been amazing. There hasn’t been a single day that I am not walking out of that office by four PM, unless it’s a late-day trial, and I am in court. On those rare days, Bella is fully aware of where I am and knows that the late night is a possibility. Our communication has reached a whole new level, and it’s brought us even closer. Like I said, it’s been an adjustment, and I am not perfect, but I am trying.

Bella began summer courses at UNC for her graduate degree and is working as a teaching assistant. Both have been keeping her fairly busy as well. Along with her course load, she’s also been developing material, preparing and giving exams, and teaching lower level courses. The woman was born to teach. 

With the baby due in November, she’s been fully preparing herself to take leave for the Fall semester. I feel bad knowing how important finishing up her graduate degree is to her, and having to take the time off sets her back. She has assured me time and again that she is perfectly fine with it, but it’s just one more thing that adds to my list of guilt.

After a little debate with herself, she ended up finding a doctor that she is very comfortable with at Wilmington Health OB/GYN. We haven’t taken the birth tour of the facility just yet, but she has met with her doctor a few times, and now we have less than eighteen weeks–give or take–before “Baby C” makes his or her arrival. But who’s counting right? Today, we’ll hopefully know if we should buy pink or blue.

xxx

Bella reluctantly plops down at the breakfast bar with her hair still slightly damp from her shower. I find myself constantly admiring her; almost perpetually focused on her swollen belly. She’s always been beautiful, but somehow knowing that she carries our baby, makes her even more gorgeous in my eyes. She of course, thinks that I am crazy for still finding her attractive, but she just doesn’t see herself clearly at all. She’s the most stunning creature alive.

I place her veggie omelet in front of her, as well as a bowl of fruit, before doing the same for myself, and sliding onto the stool beside her. I can’t tell yet if she is excited or nervous about today, but I feel like bouncing off the damn ceiling with anticipation.

“How is it?” I ask, nodding my head at her plate of food.

“It’s good, baby. Thank you.” She’s sullen. This is not good.

“Are you excited about today?”

She sighs before taking another bite of food, and I’m confused by her attitude. For the last few weeks, she’s seemed ecstatic about this appointment and very ready to finally find out what we’re having. I don’t understand.

“Bella, what’s wrong?”

Shit. Wrong question.

Almost immediately, tears begin streaming down her cheeks. I swivel her stool to face mine and bring her into my arms. She presses her face into my shoulder while I rub my hands soothingly up and down her back. She takes a few calming breaths before she seems to regain her composure.

“I’m just worried that I am going to be disappointed.”

What?

“I don’t understand. Disappointed about what, love?” I push her back to look into her eyes.

“God, this is going to sound so stupid,” she says with a groan. “What if subconsciously, I really want it to be one or the other, and then it’s the other, and then I’m disappointed because it wasn’t the other?”

I try–I really try not to–but a laugh bursts out of me. She narrows her eyes at me. “It’s not funny, Edward.”

“I’m sorry, babe. You do realize that made almost no sense at all, right?”

“See, I told you it was stupid.” She huffs, crosses her arms over her chest, and turns her head away.

“No, baby, it wasn’t stupid. But, I thought you said that you don’t have a preference? Did you change your mind?”

She closes her eyes and shakes her head. “No, but I keep dreaming of a little green-eyed, bronze-headed boy. He’s so handsome, just like his daddy. The dreams are just so real; I can practically feel him. I’m scared that we’ll go in there today, and if they tell us we’re having a girl, I’ll be disappointed.”

Well, damn.

I am at a loss for fucking words. How do I even begin to comfort her? I cup her face in my hands, tenderly rubbing my thumbs over her jawbone.

“Listen, no matter what they tell us today, the most important thing you need to worry about right now, is if he or she is healthy. I have absolutely no doubt that you will be a phenomenal mother to this child and any other children we will have in the future. Boy or girl, you will love it wholeheartedly. That’s just how you are, baby. You don’t do anything half-way.”

I softly press my lips to hers as she sniffles. When I pull back, she slowly opens her eyes and meets mine. “I love you,” she whispers.

“And I love you. Now let’s go see how much Baby C has grown, alright?”

She studies my face but makes no effort to move. “Edward?” she asks, fixated on my eyes. I nod in response.

“I really have to pee,” she says with a hint of mirth. Again, I bark out a laugh and then quickly kiss her on the cheek.

xxx

On any given day, it should only take about half an hour to drive from our house to the clinic. However, in the back of my mind, I picture the moment Bella goes into labor as being highly chaotic; bumper-to-bumper traffic, a massive fifty car pile-up, a hurricane, a presidential visit, you name it. I suppose it’s a valid fear of every father-to-be, worrying that they won’t make it to the hospital in time and will have to deliver their own kid on the side of the road. Irrational, yes, I am aware.

That fear isn’t placated much today as we drive across the causeway and–just like my fear–we are sitting in traffic. Bella is squirming in her seat, no doubt due to the fact that her bladder is full. I have to agree with her lack of enthusiasm for this particular “rule”. If it is any gauge as to the level of difficulty, I’ve seen how often the woman uses the restroom lately; this cannot be comfortable for her at all. She must hate life at the moment.

Once we’ve parked and entered the clinic, Bella’s face becomes a mask of nerves. Unfortunately, it’s only exacerbated by the wait. We sit in the cold, hard chairs for, at least, another twenty minutes before she is finally called back. The medical assistant takes her vitals and her weight–which she immediately insists that seven pounds of it is in her bladder. I chuckle softly beside her, earning myself a death glare.

From there, we are escorted back to the radiology area. It’s like déjà vu, only the room and the staff are obviously different. I feel the excitement bubbling up in my core as Bella prepares herself, as instructed by the technologist. She introduces herself as Melissa and dims the lights before she takes a seat on Bella’s left and begins to work.

Much like the first time, Bella lowers her pants down past her hips and folds her shirt high over her breasts, exposing her belly. Melissa squirts a large blob of the blue gel onto the lower half of her abdomen, before sliding the wand into it and spreading it around. I take my place beside Bella and clasp her right hand between both of mine.

While it seems similar to her first ultrasound, there is also a mix of differences. Melissa starts by rolling the wand low over her bladder and commends her for arriving with it full. Bella huffs and rolls her eyes.

“Miss Swan, I know it’s not very comfortable, but it allows the transmission to be much clearer, I assure you,” she pacifies.

Bella nods and then fixes her eyes back on the screen. Melissa explains to us the purpose of this ultrasound is for what is called a Fetal Anatomy Screen. She will take measurements and recordings of the baby and the placenta, comparing them to the estimated gestational age, and also be able to give us a better understanding of her due date, as well as the health of the baby. I’m fascinated by the technology.

She starts out by finding the baby’s legs, and begins freezing the screen and then measuring the lengths of the bones. She then moves on to the arms and does the same. A little slip and slide of the wand, and we are graced with a clear view of ten tiny toes. I quickly look down at Bella, and the smile on her face is blinding; I am sure mine matches it.

“Oh my God,” she whispers as I give her hand a gentle squeeze.

Who knew the sight of those little feet would cause this feeling?

Melissa then explains the next view we are seeing is a cross-section view of the head and brain. She produces this dotted circle-like measuring tool on the screen and calculates the circumference, before moving around and giving us a clear and beautiful profile shot of the baby’s face. I am in absolute awe seeing the little round nose and lips. The baby’s hand then moves up, and it looks as if he or she begins to suck its thumb. Bella lets out a little giggle, which then bounces the baby around slightly.

Fucking fascinating!

We’re shown the kidneys and stomach before she circles the wand again and our baby’s spine comes into view. Bella perks up with a sudden nervous interest.

“It’s okay? No cysts? No open…um, holes?” she questions.

“The spine looks very healthy, Miss Swan,” Melissa reassures her.

I make a mental note to ask her about that later. I know she’s been reading tons of pregnancy books; I suppose I need to get better at that, too.

The heart is next and just…wow. Melissa shows us the different chambers and ventricles and then measures the heart rate. Again, the room is filled with that underwater freight train sound, causing my own heart to flutter right along with it.

She then inspects the placenta and umbilical cord before she states that she’s almost finished with the screening. Bella gives my hand a squeeze, and I look down at her face. It may not be very bright in the room, but she is positively glowing. The excitement and joy in her eyes is mixed with love and adoration, which leaves me no other choice than to lean over and press my lips to hers. She strokes the side of my face with her free hand when I pull away, and for just a moment, we’re lost in the weight of the experience.

“Well, mommy and daddy, would you like to know if you should paint pink or blue walls?” Melissa asks brightly.

Still looking deep into Bella’s brown eyes, a silent question passes between us. There is hesitation on her face, and I have a sudden idea. I only hope Bella won’t be disappointed with my request. I look up at Melissa, desperately trying to avoid looking at the screen of our baby.

“Would it be possible for you to print us a photograph, but put it in an envelope for us to look at later?” I ask hesitantly.

Bella squeezes my hand, and I look back down at her. “Edward?” she questions with clear confusion on her face.

“Trust me?” I request.

She hesitates for only a split second before she resigns with a nod. I capture her lips in a quick kiss, before Melissa speaks up.

“Okay, so I am going to go give my results to the doctor. She’ll be in with you shortly to discuss everything and answer any questions you might have. I have two envelopes here for you. This one,” she starts, handing it to me, “is a few different images I printed during the screening and thought you’d enjoy. And this one,” she hands me a smaller one, with the words “Pink or Blue?” written on the outside, “is the gender results. I will say that I am one-hundred percent positive of those results,” she finishes with a small smile and a wink.

Bella and I exchange a glance before thanking her and she leaves the room. I help her wipe the remaining gel from her stomach, and then offer her a hand so she can fully sit up on the exam table. Almost immediately, she slides off the table and rushes into the adjoined restroom. If it weren’t for the fact that I am sure this has been painful for her, it would be comical. When she exits, she walks swiftly towards me and snatches the envelopes from my hands with a coy smile.

I shoot her a stern warning look. “I’m not going to peek, Edward. I want to see all the other photos,” she says with a huff as she climbs back onto the exam table. I place a kiss on her temple, rest my hip on the side of the table, and look over her shoulder. She pulls a stack of printouts from the envelope and lets out a small gasp. There are photos of the baby’s hands, feet, spine, and profile. She also printed one of when the baby was likely sucking its thumb. There’s also an “alien-looking” one that appears to be a frontal face shot. I shudder at the sight.

No baby of mine will look like an alien, dammit!

After we share a few more moments of bliss reveling in our baby’s photos, Dr. Hall enters the room. She’s a smaller, middle-aged woman, with dark hair and eyes, and a warm smile. I can immediately see why Bella feels comfortable with her; she has that motherly-warmth about her. She explains that the baby looks perfectly healthy and is growing right on schedule. Bella relaxes instantly upon her assurance. She also gives us a more concrete due date of November 18^th.

Prior to leaving, we set up another appointment in four weeks where she’ll have to do some kind of glucose test. Apparently, it is something to do with diabetes in pregnancy. I don’t know, but it’s in that moment that I realize Bella is so very right. If men had to have babies…yeah, I’m pretty sure the population of the world would drastically decline.

xxx

Since we’re already downtown, we decide to have lunch at Elijah’s on the Cape Fear River deck. It’s situated right near Chandler’s Wharf, where there are plenty of shops and restaurants. The wharf definitely adds to the historical charm of downtown.

I park the truck along one of the side streets and we stroll hand-in-hand along the cobblestone sidewalks towards the boardwalk. The hostess leads us to a table on their outside patio that overlooks the river. I’ve always thought that the atmosphere is almost romantic here and possibly a good place for a wedding, but I shake away those thoughts. Bella has made it perfectly clear that she doesn’t want to be rushed into any wedding plans. I’m perfectly content going to City Hall, or hell, even Vegas, but I honestly don’t know how she feels about any wedding at all, so I don’t press the issue. I glance at her engagement ring and smile to myself.

She said yes. It will happen when she’s ready. There’s no rush.

The waiter arrives and Bella orders the Grilled Tuna sandwich while I have the Fish and Chips. We manage to avoid the gigantic purple-spotted elephant for the majority of the meal, and simply bask in the simplicity of the afternoon. Our conversation is light and easy; even silences are effortless and undemanding.

When the waiter returns asking if we’d like any dessert, Bella jumps at the chance for their infamous Death by Chocolate. I chuckle at her and shake my head, but I can deny her nothing; especially chocolate while she’s pregnant. This concoction of theirs is layered with chocolate brownie, chocolate ganache, chocolate cake, chocolate mousse, and a final layer of chocolate brownie. If that isn’t enough chocolate for you, then it’s also covered in a chocolate glaze. Yeah, death by chocolate indeed.

When she finally comes up for air, and after trying to stab my hand with her fork when I tried to have a bite for myself, I bring up the subject of the mystery inside the envelope.

“So, I know you’re probably wondering why I didn’t let Melissa tell us what we’re having.”

She nods, licking a trace of chocolate from her bottom lip, momentarily causing me to lose my concentration. Without hesitation, I lean over and finish the job for her.

Mmm, chocolate covered Bella.

She blushes at my brazen public display of sexual desire, as I lick any trace of chocolate from my lips.

Yeah, mental note: revisit chocolate covered Bella very soon.

She clears her throat, partially snapping me out of my lust-filled thoughts. “You were saying?” she presses in amusement.

My mouth curls up. She really has no idea of the effect she has on me. I press my lips against the skin of her neck and then lightly graze them up towards her ear. My hand travels across the skin of her thigh, and I delicately trace circles over her knee. I see her shiver at the contact and smile to myself before whispering, “Vixen.”

She lets out a long sigh of contentment, and I force my body away from her. I take a turn at clearing my throat. “As I was saying, I had the sudden idea to have her place the results of the ultrasound in the envelope, so that it could be a moment just you and I share alone. Something that’s just ours, you know? I probably confused you when I asked her, huh?”

“You’re so amazing. Do you know that?” She cups my face in her hands and presses three quick kisses on my lips. “I was scared you were going to tell her we didn’t want to know at all. I really don’t think I can wait four and a half more months to find out.”

“Well, with that said…when do you want to open the envelope?”

“Hmm. Now!” she exclaims, a smile of epic proportions on her face.

I chuckle at her enthusiasm. “Really, Bella? Right here in the middle of a restaurant?” I tease.

She glances around with her brow puckered. “Where then? I can’t stand this anticipation any freaking longer, Edward,” she whines.

I swear to God, this woman owns me.

“I have an idea.” I drop some cash on the table to cover lunch, grab her hand, and hurry us away from the riverside. In my haste, I realize I am pretty much dragging her behind me.

“Edward? Where are we going?” she asks breathlessly, her feet quickening to keep up.

“Five minutes from here. I know the perfect place.”

xxx

It is the perfect place; our place. As I drive the truck into the gravel lot, flashes of my last visit here flood my mind. She loves Greenfield Lake though, so I know the peace and privacy of the location is perfect. I know it even more when I turn to face her, and her eyes are alight with excitement.

“You’re right,” she says in awe.

I help her from the cab of the truck, and she threads her fingers through mine. We walk along a dirt path, drinking in the serenity of our surroundings, until she stops at the first bench we come to and sits down.

“Sit, Edward. I seriously don’t think I can wait another second,” she chirps, practically bouncing.

Before I sit, I pull the envelope from my back jeans pocket and hand it to her. The way that she clutches in her hands, you would think it’s made of fine porcelain. I study her closely as she nibbles nervously on her bottom lip.

“Bella?”

She glances up at me and then quickly back down at the envelope. “You’re still worried about that whole disappointment thing, aren’t you?”

She tries to conceal her sudden indecision, but fairs poorly at it. “Baby, remember what I said? Everything will be fine. I have no doubts about how much you will love this child, regardless of its gender.” She looks up at me once again; her beautiful brown eyes are swimming with unshed tears. “Go on. Open it. Let’s find out what Baby C is already,” I softy coax.

In and out, she heavily breathes. I quietly regard her as she slides a solitary finger under the flap and loosens the seal. Her eyes meet mine as she slips the photo from inside and holds it between us. I feel like such a girl with the way the excitement is frazzling my nerves, but I attempt to remain calm and collected for her.

“On the count of three, okay?” she questions softly.

I nod and epically fail at keeping the mile-wide smile off my face. I suddenly understand Alice just a little more, as I feel like bouncing like Tigger on the bench.

Jesus, get a grip, Cullen.

“One.”

The emotion in her eyes changes from nervous to excited.

“Two.”

I literally feel like a boa constrictor is squeezing my heart in a vice grip.

“Three.”

We immediately break eye contact and focus on the black and white paper in her fingers. It takes me less than a fraction of a second to determine that it’s showing a clear view of…okay, ew.

This is just all kinds of wrong.

Bella lets out what sounds like a mix of a gasp, sob, and giggle all at once. Her hand flies up and covers her mouth, while I remain fixated on the picture.

Delicately held in the fingers of the woman I love more than life itself, is a print out of our future. For some inexplicable reason, everything about my life just became clearer and more real.

A tiny arrow points to the space between the baby’s thighbones, clearly indicating what to look at. Typed across the top of the image–as if seeing the photo alone wasn’t enough of a clue–is a single and profoundly life-altering word.

I don’t even realize there are tears rolling down my face until I feel Bella’s tiny hand tenderly wiping them away. I had no idea that this simple image would impact me in this way. Absolutely, none at all. I look into her eyes; so full of love and longing that I can’t help but to pull her hard against me and kiss her with everything I have.

“Bella,” I sob against her lips. “Oh, Bella, Bella, Bella.” I kiss her chin, her cheeks, her forehead, the tip of her nose, and then back to her lips.

She lets out a wet laugh, unable to control her tears as well. I hold her precious face in my hands, and stare deeply into her eyes. “I’m so fucking happy, baby.”

Her smile mirrors mine. “Are you okay?” I ask, searching her eyes for any hesitation. There’s none. She nods quickly and then laughs out again. “I am, Edward. I really am.”

We’re a pair of blubbering fools, but I could give two shits about it. I haven’t had this feeling since the moment she said she’d marry me. We both look down at the photo once again and then back at each other. I jump up from the bench and pull her with me. I crush her to my chest and spin us around as she giggles.

“So…tell me Mr. Cullen,” she begins, as I steady her on her feet. “You think you can handle all that comes with being the father of a little girl?” she quips.

I swallow hard.

Oh, shit.

I. Am. Fucked.